it's halloween!

happy halloween from prospect house!

bottoms

or maybe not!
some of us have had many bottoms.

the decision to get off the party elevator,
can be made at the ground floor, or
continue to the basement.

even what seems the worst of depths,
can be forgotten over time.
as the body gets healthier quickly;
soon the fog clears from the mind.

that old feeling of invincibility returns
and all the misery is diminished.
it seems many of us have that built-in
forgetter.

pride, ego and self-sufficiency fuel
the process.
before we know it, all fear of consequences;
legal, moral or health, seem to vanish.

it is possible to pick a floor to exit;
the elevator will never go up again.

the best choice is to take the steps.

check this out...

intherooms.com is an interesting new site.

there are daily meditations, libraries and news
about addiction and recovery.

create a profile and share your journey with
others from around the globe.
just another way to spread the words of hope.
we have so many varied methods to choose from.
print, video, chat, and even web-room meetings.

other good sites to peruse;

about.com/alcoholism

charlottekasl.com/16steps.html

1to101.com/self-improvement-1-to-101/

.peele.net/index.html

science.education.nih.gov/supplements/nih3/alcohol/guide/info-alcohol.htm

part 2; the difference

well here i was, a mere 75 miles from where
i lived and worked most of my life.
it seemed like a world away; farms, country
roads and a fraction of the population.

here was the opportunity to change nearly
everything about my life.
this time i was searching for a continued
solution to my substance abuse problems.

rather than dabbling in the process, i
took suggestions and abandoned my search
for a way to moderate my use.

quitting for 1 day at a time, was a bit shaky
for me, and left me feeling insecure.
i stuck with it as best as i could, but there
was that daily voice asking me; "can we drink today?"

finally after 22 months, deb left for a 2 week
stay in arizona, and when the little voice asked
if that was the day, i said hell yes!

those old romancing thoughts returned and
once again i thought i can control this now.
wrong...again!

after researching many sources, i came across
the theory of quieting that addictive voice.
the idea was to quit for a predetermined time.
it went against all the standard practices,
but i decided to try.

that was when i committed to quit for 20 years.

sounds crazy, right; yet now i don't have that
nagging voice asking every single day, "okay
to drink today?"

at a riper older age, i will make that choice;
by that time the memories of the "good ole times"
will have faded .

the difference

"what's going to be different this time"?

that always asked question when starting rehab.
my answer would be, "i don't know, but i'm here".

looking back, i recall the feeling of impending
doom, at the end of another run.
somehow, i maintained the ability to recognize
when my behaviors were spiraling out of control.

seven years ago, i decided to retire from my
job, move out of dodge, and relocate to a
small town. the goal was to buy a duplex home,
and open a sober house.

it was challenging and often overwhelming, to
be fresh out of rehab and making all these
life-changing decisions.

fortunately, i had a partner who stuck by me,
(despite urgings from al-anon to leave).

that was the beginning of my "different" life.

the story continues tomorrow.

truth or consequences

what used to be a popular tv game show,
has become a way of life for me.

at this stage of my life, some of the former
consequences faced, don't apply any more.

there is no boss to answer to, no worry
over driving under the influence and i
can't be evicted from my own home.

despite those conditions, the personal
hell created by falling off the recovery
road is far worse.

accepting the truth of my progression
into the depths of alcohol dependence,
and the inability to moderate or otherwise
control my use, requires honest appraisal.

anyone who tells you this recovery path
is easy, either never enjoyed drinking or
really didn't have a problem.

the past 5 years have been full of flat spots,
challenges and temptations.
it was refreshing to avoid answering the
same question asked by a counselor at
a rehab; "what's going to be different
this time"?

tomorrow i will answer that question.

genetics & enviornment

i was recently asked if my addiction was a
product of genetics or environment.
there was no alcoholism in my immediate
family, with the exception of my mom's
two brothers.

my father came from a non-drinking family.
researchers are mixed about the genetic
influence concerning addiction.
some believe in a "generation-skip" theory.

there was nothing in my formative years
to influence my views about alcohol.

there was nothing instantly appealing or
eye-opening about my intro to drinking.
it was an interesting feeling and i enjoyed
the relaxed feeling it provided.

my tolerance level was quite low, and i
could get feeling good on 3 beers.

slowly, drinking began to become more
prevalent. between parties, nights out
with the boys or after sports, i found
myself able to handle a bit more.

it took many years of social drinking
to progress to heavy. from that point
it slowly became a dependence.

it is to my disadvantage, having so
many good times to recall, that prevented
me from getting help sooner.

it was hard to accept that i could not
drink normally any more.

euphoric recall is a powerful force;
my mid-brain has no conscience, or
fear of consequences. it only knows
the joy of intoxication.

this is a major stumbling block for
anyone attempting to get sober.

attitude

Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

- Lou Holtz

another trilogy of wisdom!
an important lesson for anyone in recovery.

attitude is crucial when dealing with life's
ups and downs.
how we react and respond to the daily
challenges faced, determines our outlook.

we live in somewhat of a "downer" society.
simple weather reports become major topics
of discussion.
most news viewed and read is focused on
the negative.

all the worry and despair over the U.S.
economy is out of my control, and occupies
no space in my head.

it took some time, but i am able to keep
a positive outlook and attitude.

anyone with a substance abuse history
knows the depths of despair; no need
to revisit that lonely place!

count your blessings, rather than your gripes.

let go of pain and loneliness; embrace hope and friendship.

addiction news

very informative article from Psychology Today,
written by Stanton Peele;


For some reason, we exempt addiction from our beliefs about change. In both popular and scientific models, addiction is seen as locking you into an inescapable pattern of behavior. Both folk wisdom, as represented by Alcoholics Anonymous, and modern neuroscience regard addiction as a virtually permanent brain disease. No matter how many years ago your uncle Joe had his last drink, he is still considered an alcoholic. The very word addict confers an identity that admits no other possibilities. It incorporates the assumption that you can't, or won't, change.

But this fatalistic thinking about addiction doesn't jibe with the facts. More people overcome addictions than do not. And the vast majority do so without therapy. Quitting may take several tries, and people may not stop smoking, drinking or using drugs altogether. But eventually they succeed in shaking dependence.

Kicking these habits constitutes a dramatic change, but the change need not occur in a dramatic way. So when it comes to addiction treatment, the most effective approaches rely on the counterintuitive principle that less is often more. Successful treatment places the responsibility for change squarely on the individual and acknowledges that positive events in other realms may jump-start change.

Every year, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health interviews Americans about their drug and alcohol habits. Ages 18 to 25 constitute the peak period of drug and alcohol use. In 2002, the latest year for which data are available, 22 percent of Americans between ages 18 and 25 were abusing or were dependent on a substance, versus only 3 percent of those aged 55 to 59. These data show that most people overcome their substance abuse, even though most of them do not enter treatment.

change of seasons

we live in a picturesque area at the foot
of the berkshire mountains.
it's peak time for the leaves changing.

i find many folks really like this time of year.

summer is more my cup of tea.
not a fan of cold mornings, or less sunlight.

oh well, new england is known for having 4 seasons.
there is a feeling of renewal with the advent of each.
but alas, after fall comes winter, my least favorite.

snow on christmas is welcome, but after that
it is just an annoyance.

thankfully i travel to arizona in january and
escape the icy roads and frigid temps.

for some of us there can be a season that
challenges our resolve to remain sober;
we witness it at our sober house.

just another reminder that there is NEVER;
a reason or season to pick up.