talking to your kids

excellent article from About.com/Alcoholism on
how to talk to your kids about alcohol.


Here's How:

1. Be well informed. Have your facts straight before relaying information to your children.
2. Make sure the information that you plan to offer is appropriate for your child's age and development.
3. Start early. Children as young as 11 begin using alcohol.
4. Set aside a family time when there are no other distractions. Initiate the conversation with your child.
5. Communicate your "family policy" about taking drugs or drinking alcohol and give the reasons for the policy.
6. Try to create a "open" atmosphere in which your children feel free to say what is on their minds.
7. Listen carefully.
8. Role play how to say "no" when offered drugs or alcohol.
9. Be honest.
10. Repeat the conversation as your children grow to emphasize your concern and to listen to their feelings.
    

Tips:

1. Student surveys indicate when parents listen to their children's feelings and concerns, their kids are more likely to stay drug-free
2. If you suspect your child has a problem with drugs and alcohol, seek professional help immediately.
3. Be a good example.

open and honest communication is key
to establishing trust and confidence with
our children and teens.

instilling family values and reassuring
them that an open dialogue is always
available, are a major steps in dealing
with these sensitive issues.

Monday quotes

The winds of grace are always blowing, but you have to raise the sail.
- Ramakrishna

Time is not measured by the years we live, but by the deeds we do and the joys we give.
- Helen Steiner Rice

If you want something you've never had, you've got to do something you've never done!
- Tangela

We worry about what a child will be tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.
- Stacia Tauscher

Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
- James Thurber

Positive, continuous action toward your goals is the very best antidote to worry.
- Brian Tracy

...the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
- Harry S. Truman

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
- Jim Valvano

The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give it away.
- David Viscott

Losers make promises they often break. Winners make commitments they always keep.
- Denis Waitley

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.
- William Arthur Ward

enjoying recovery

my initial thought when starting
recovery was that i would not be
able to have fun in sobriety.

having had many memorable times
during my social drinking days, i
was convinced i couldn't be finny,
relaxed and sociable when sober.

it's taken some time, but i've
realized i don't need to be buzzed
to enjoy myself and the company
of others.

sure, i still miss some aspects of
the party life, but today i accept
the fact that those days are gone.

now i can be alert, present and
comfortable around people
without any type of crutch.

teens & drinking

by Aspen Education Group;

A recent online survey by the Partnership for a Drug Free America, in collaboration with Vocalpoint.com, found that the top concern of moms with kids returning to school is that their kids "might be exposed to kids who drink or use drugs." Approximately 29 percent of the 2,500 moms surveyed picked this as their top concern.

the reality is many kids will be exposed to
others who drink or experiment with drugs.

what can parents do to prepare their teens?

be proactive and discuss the probability that
some of their classmates may drink or drug.

reassure them it's okay to resist the lure of
trying to fit in or be "cool".

share your own experiences and urge them
to be open and honest concerning any
curious desires to try drinking.

it is nearly impossible to shield them from
friends who drink, we can only be open
and willing to discuss the dire consequences
that are possible when teens engage in
adult behaviors.

Monday quotes

We must be greatfull for our mistakes, without them we wouldn't know any better.
- Ayash Sabbagh

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I look at victory as milestones on a very long highway.
- Joan Benoit Samuelson

I glory in this world of men and women, torn with troubles, yet living on to love and laugh through it all.
- Carl Sandburg

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

Being defeated is only a temporary condition; giving up is what makes it permanent.
- Marilyn vos Savant

In actual life every great enterprise begins with and takes its first forward step in faith.
- Schlegel

Life is too short to waste. Dreams are fulfilled only through action, not through endless planning to take action.
- David J. Schwartz

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.
- General Schwarzkopf

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Frank Scully

Friday questions

did you experience a "pink cloud" initially?

was your choice of recovery your own,
or did family encourage you?

have you found it difficult to forgive yourself?

when did you start feeling confident in
your recovery?

how do handle people or situations that
annoy you?

have you ever been on a 12 step call?

do you look for meetings when on vacation?

where is the best place, if any, for meditation?

does being totally honest ever make
you uncomfortable?

have you had more than 1 sponsor?

ever wonder why I ask so many questions?

top 10 reasons...

...to not drink today;

10) the ability to maintain normal blood
pressure would be gone.

9) one drink leads to complete dependence
in a short time

8) there is nothing a drink will solve or improve

7) common sense and rational thinking
would be lost

6) the loss of respect from the folks in
our sober house

5) guilt, shame, and remorse is the end result

4) knowing it is impossible to recapture
the "good old days"

3) dealing with the fear of not knowing
when the drinking will stop

2) losing the trust of those closest to me

1) recalling the memories of staring over

Monday quotes

Where I was born and how I have lived is unimportant. It is what I have done with where I have been that should be of interest.
- Georgia O'Keefe

Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your mid-section unprotected.
- Robert Orben

To be loved, be lovable.
- Ovid

Time is not measured by the years we live, but by the deeds we do and the joys we give.
- Helen Steiner Rice

And when the future hinges on the next words that are said, Don't let logic interfere, believe your heart instead.
- Philip Robison

Whatever good things we build end up building us.
- Jim Rohn

What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are to do.
- Sanaya Roman

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt


Compassion for myself is the most powerful healer of them all.
- Theodore Isaac Rubin

Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
- David Russell


Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
- Russian Proverb

Some people change their ways when they see the light; others when they feel the heat.
- Caroline Schoeder

Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.
- Robert H. Schuller

remembering 9/11/01

addiction progression part 2

yesterday I posted about the stages
of progression and some of the variables
involved.

many times I feel at a disadvantage
to people who share at meetings
about the horrendous times they've
experienced while drinking.

stories of blackouts, car crashes, arrests,
fights and incarceration are common.

my belief is long term sobriety is easier
to maintain for those whose lives turned
upside down the moment they picked up.

since my progression so slow and
insidious, it was hard to recognize
and accept.

there were so many pleasurable times,
that i experienced over many years,
i always hoped i could recapture the magic.

today i think it through and remember
the final stages of compulsive drinking;
the loneliness, despair and futility.

i must recall that the absolute worst
things i've ever experienced involved
alcohol and drugs.

what used to turn me on...
turned on me.

addiction progression

progression affects every alcoholic-addict
the rate varies greatly from person to
person, and is dependent upon body
chemistry, emotional status, substance
used and reasons for using.

most of us experience a "honeymoon"
phase with our drug of choice.
this period can last from mere weeks
to many years.

it is the initial euphoria which many of
us try to recapture with subsequent
attempts at controlled drinking or
casual use of drugs.

gradually the effects begin to change;
consumption and frequency increase
and the desired feelings become
harder to achieve.

to be continued tomorrow...

Monday quotes

"God may give you seeds but he won't plant them for you."

"It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy."
--George Horace Lorimer

"Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand."
--Confucius

If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

A hug is the perfect present: One size fits all and it's easy to exchange

Sometimes, its what you dont do, that makes you who you are.

If you think the parade of life is passing you by, perhaps you're not listening to the music.

The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the universe for God to worry about.

If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.
--Marcus Aurelius

Anyone can enjoy good days; those who find ways to enjoy bad days have something going for them!

Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.

It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference.

Your talent is God's gift to you. How you use it is your gift to God.

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.

You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.-Galileo

Don't go through life, grow through life.-Eric Butterworth

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling,
But in rising very time we fall.-Confucious

You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.

words & actions

from eMedicineHealth;

"What parents say is important and what they do is important," she says. "The expectations that you set will also drive your kids' behavior," she says. "Set high expectations, be clear about these expectations, communicate these expectations, and model healthy behavior," she says.

"There is no question that actions speak louder than words," says Joseph A. Califano Jr., the founder and chairman of CASA and the author of How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid. But it's not just 'don't get drunk in front of your kids,' you also have to communicate with your children all along, have family dinners frequently, go to their games and events, and attend religious services as a family. Then when you do talk to them, you will really have some power to influence their conduct and get them to choose not to use."

some good advice, far beyond the ineffective "just say no" campaign.

many parents have difficulty in discussing drinking and drugs with
their children and teens.

while beneficial, open dialogue may not always counteract peer
pressure and curiosity.

the bottom line is, there are many factors involved; we can only
educate and lead by example.

acceptance

who I am and what I
aspire to be

more patient, tolerant,
humble and free.

making the most of the
cards dealt by life,
enjoying the gifts, being
prepared for strife.

progress is slow, even
painful at times, it seems.
living for the day, yet able
to realize future dreams.

learning to enjoy the ups
and downs of the ride;
staying focused, willing
and honest,
secure with a deeper power
at my side.

interesting top 10

good article from defeat addiction.org

Top 10 Reasons Addiction Is NOT A 'Treatable' Involuntary Incurable Progressive Brain DISEASE
1-Alcoholics don't always lose control of themselves whenever they are exposed to the object of their addiction

2-All medical treatments for alcoholism have consistently been proven ineffective). Alcoholics are three times as likely to succeed long-term without medical treatment.Treatment actually hinders the normal natural recovery process

3-Alcoholism usually does not last a lifetime. Alcoholics almost always mature out of addiction: With dependency being highest in mid-twenties then dropping sharply in late-thirties and reaching as low as 1% in the early sixties

4-No biological or genetic mechanisms have ever been clearly identified that account for addictive behavior

5-No scientific research suggests or supports the hypothesis that neurobiological factors initiate volition

6-Chronic alcoholics can moderate their drinking, while others returned to drinking responsibly

7-The majority of the offspring of chronic alcoholics do not become alcoholics themselves

8-The alcoholic brain rapidly heals itself and returns to normal upon abstinence

9-No research disputes that alcoholism takes a great deal of time to develop

10-Everyone has the God given gift of free will and moral choice