Friday, January 30, 2009

g-o-y-a mode

implementing the goya method
for outlook improvement and
attitude adjustment.

simply it's,
get off your ass!

what a novel concept;
hello john; it's 70 degrees
outside and you're on the computer.

less than 1500 feet away are a
fitness center, pool, and tennis court.
at least i did get out yesterday,
took a walk, and placed an offer on a house.

on the bright side, i am striving to
learn more about addiction and
recovery every day.

top 100 is my first stop every
morning. then it's google reader,
where i can view the many
blogs i subscribe to.

still waiting for for some french
or german guy to discover a
pill that will allow me to drink

till then i'll use abstinence,
as a way to sobriety,
leading to continued recovery,
hopefully resulting in ultimate
good health.

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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

missing the buzz

it's been almost 5 and a half years since
my last drink and i've recently been recalling
that feeling of relaxation and release that it

none of the misery is surfacing through the
memories; as if it didn't exist.

all i see is the rose colored haze,
i hear the pop of the cork and
the tinkle of the glasses.
i smell the distinct aromas.

i feel like proof positive, that there is
no "got it " point in recovery.

when will this ever go away?

why me?

i hate being an alcoholic.

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

today's topic-honesty

heard some really good shares at the
noon meeting today.
the consensus was, that even when we
were honest with others, we could still
deceive ourselves.

my take was, drinking and deception
go hand in hand.
with inhibitions lowered and a
conscience no where to be found,
it was simple to lie, cheat or steal.

all that mattered was the buzz;
i didn't care who i hurt or cheated.

then there was the ever present lie
of omission.

it's so much simpler today;
i don't have to remember the truth.

i can't lie to the person in the mirror.

honesty is a ticket to freedom.

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Monday, January 26, 2009

feeling flat again

can't blame the weather,
the job,
my health,
or the economy.

if everything is going well,
why do i feel so flat?

although i enjoy retirement, i
think i need to feel more challenged.

some days are better than others,
but overall it's difficult to feel

maybe it's just a stage of life
that occurs at my age.

i played volleyball with fran and
the girls yesterday, and it was fun
yet depressing at the same time.

remembering what a huge part of
my life the sport was; playing, coaching
and watching the pros.

so often i find myself asking,
"what am i doing, and why am i here"?

anyone else ever feel like this?

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

sunday musings

thanks to those who answered the questions from yesterday!
It is enlightening to me, to get your perspective and outlook.

today, it's bumper stickers & fun quotes;

People are like teabags - you don't know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

You can't scare me - I have children!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy - other times I let her sleep.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think

There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.

Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn.

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.

If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

God could not be everywhere, and so He made mothers.

and my personal favorite...
May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow.

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

today's questions

what makes you happy?

are anger and resentment triggers or merely annoyances?

where do you see yourself in 5 years?

is addiction still cunning or baffling?

are you able to socialize with family or friends who drink?

how has your religious upbringing affected your recovery?

any time of day particularly difficult to resist temptation?

at what point did you really admit you had a problem?

have you investigated any other recovery methods?

would you prefer to not be an alcoholic?

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Friday, January 23, 2009

find your own path

the past weeks i have been making a
local noon meeting 4 or 5 times.

it's a large group, averaging between
45-60 people.
what i enjoy is the open discussion format,
additionally, it requires no hand raising.

around the room we go; with the understanding
that it is a large group, so keep your comments
brief. for me, that is important.

nothing defeats my attention span more
than a long-winded diatribe.

my views are sometimes a bit,
"out of the box", and many times
someone will have to refute what
i said. it is very much a "group-speak"
type of meeting.

i'm not angered or deterred by some
old-timer attempting to dismiss or
discredit my share.
my hope is that if one person can
benefit from my differing point of
view, it was well worth it.

sorry group faithful, but we ARE
all unique, with different upbringing,
morals, values and experiences.

there is no "one size fits all" solution.

recovery is complex, ever-changing,
and an individual process.
group therapy has its place;
but the buck stops with you...

belief in a deeper power is beneficial,
but sorry, turning it over sounds really
impressive, provided it doesn't absolve
you from responsibility and accountability.

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Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Roxie from Recovery Rocks nominated me for the Lemonade Award. Thank you , Roxie

The concept of the Lemonade Award is quite simple. It is all about finding people that display a great attitude and/or gratitude. In this day and time, that is very important to have.Once nominated, all you need to do is add the Lemonade Award logo to your blog and find 10 more bloggers to nominate. All of the rules are listed below.

Congratulations to all the winners. Please share this opportunity with your favorite bloggers by doing the following: 1) Put the logo on your blog or post.
2) Nominate at least 10 blogs, which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3) Be sure to link to your nominees within your post
4) Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5) Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

I selected recovering bloggers who shared their experience, strength, and hope in the blogosphere.

Here are my nominations in random order:

soon, well maybe in 5 years, i will have a whole sidebar
of these awards like my friend shadow!

hoping some of her huge list of followers will feel sorry
for me and sign on here, to prevent me from
developing a huge inferiority complex.(kidding)

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Monday, January 19, 2009

10 recovery questions...

1.) at what age or stage of your life, did you
realize you were substance dependent?

2.)is there addiction in your family?

3.)how important is prayer and belief in
a higher power?

4.) do you believe there is a spiritual
solution to addiction?

5.)if medication were available that allowed
you to drink safely, would you take it?

6.)which meeting format is most beneficial
to you?

7.)how important and helpful is the
sponsor-sponsee relationship?

8.)is it possible to just "mature-out"
of substance abuse?

9.)would you prefer to not be an
alcoholic or addict?

10.)are you breathing now? that was the actual
last question on the psychological exam i took
in 1975, for the the Fire Dept.

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

who am i?

when i hear folks stating that they are
first and foremost an alcoholic, i have to
ask myself; is that how i view who i am?

i choose to identify myself first as a father,
son, partner and friend, before applying
the label of alcoholic. i am a person who
happens to have a malady; what i refer
to, as an avoidable allergy.

it's not in the air or the water, is not
malignant and has no known cause or cure.

there are those who only associate with
others in the program; the "stick with
the winners" crowd.

while that is a safe way to begin
sobriety, it can become an impediment
to continued recovery.

the majority of the world is not in
recovery, and i choose to associate
with a variety of people, provided
they respect my decision to abstain.

today, meetings, sponsors and service
are a part of my life; however they
are not my whole identity.

i digress from those who resign
themselves to separate the world
into an "us vs them" mentality.

women are not from venus,
and men are not from mars;
i am no different from what
"program speak" refers to,
as earth people or normies.

we are all sons & daughters,
mothers & fathers,
husbands & wives...
before we announce-

i am _______, alcoholic.

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

step 2

the second step to me is all about
the abc's.

acceptance, balance and control.

until i was able to accept who i was
and what i had become, my life
was stuck in neutral.

i had to balance the elements of will.
we are all born with free will;
develop a degree of self-will, and
have various perceptions of what
god's will is.

the only conclusion i had about god's
will was that it was NOT for me to
slowly destroy the good health i
had been blessed with.

i have never believed in a punishing
higher power, nor have i ever prayed
for any "thing", in particular.

letting go of trying to control everyone
and every thing helped keep pride
and ego in check.

i still don't agree that most of us
are insane upon entering recovery.
we are merely following that primitive
part of our brain that craves intoxication.
it has no conscience, or fear of consequences.
that is not insanity, but an uncontrollable
urge to alter our consciousness;
the way humans have been doing for
thousands of years.

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

sunny days

no snow, ice, chilly drafts;
just sunshine and 70 degrees!

it feels so refreshing to go outside
in a short sleeve shirt and take
a walk.

my condolences to everyone back
home, on the current and upcoming
snow storms and dropping temps.

just discovered that this my 300th
post on top 100 sober blogs.
this is my version of daily meditation;
reading my faves and writing a little

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Friday, January 9, 2009

goodbye Winter

My plane leaves tomorrow at 3 p.m.;
Arizona here I come !

It should start snowing Saturday,
Right after I board the plane.

I'm looking forward to seasonable temperatures,
hopefully in the 60s and 70s.

After tomorrow there won't be any excuses
for not walking.
My MP3 player is charged, loaded and ready.

There is also a large noon topic discussion
meeting every day.
Since there are so many retirees there,
they refer to me as a kid...
You got to love it!!

Hopefully my next post will be written
by the side of the pool.

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Thursday, January 8, 2009

photo motivators

All pictures from

hardly anyone gets it the first time
if we can't have some fun in recovery, what's the point?
it is all around us; every season, anywhere in the world
there will always be ups and downs...never give up
perception, attitude and outlook are paramount
remember to include your qualities in every inventory
follow your own path to the truth
slow down, enjoy the bliss; endure the setbacks
simple, yet powerful affirmation
the true test of recovery; when we really are alone

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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

quotes of the day

Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future.
Faith is having the courage to dance to it today.

He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail.

We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them.
- William Arthur Ward

Luck is when opportunity meets preparation.
- Denzel Washington

To live with fear and not be afraid is the final test of maturity.
- Edward Weeks

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
- H. G. Wells

Teachers open the door. You enter by yourself. (chinese proverb)

Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. (John Eldredge)

The key to change… is to let go of fear. (Rosanne Cash)

When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy. (Oscar Wilde )

Our happiness is greatest when we contribute most to the happiness of others. (Harriet Shepard)

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ( Maria Robinson)

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Monday, January 5, 2009

knowing yourself

it was hard to comprehend who i was
when i held onto the illusion of normalcy.

how could i be out of control when i was
doing such a great job working, being a
husband, father, firefighter, coach, friend
and all around good guy?

the reality of it was, all those facets of my
life became less and less important.
because the transition was so slow and
insidious, it was impossible to recognize.

i had to look at what i had become;
more dependent on the buzz, than
the aspects of my life that really
defined who i was.

today i am relearning who i am,
and what my life is about.

as long as i continue to honestly
scrutinize my behavior, i have a chance
to stay on the path of progressive wellness.

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