Thursday, July 31, 2008

dealing with anger

while our manager Roger was walking China yesterday,
the neighbor's 2 labs attacked her.(electric fence turned off)

as i ran out hearing the commotion, he was holding 1 of the dogs,
while the other was circling for another attack.
I chased the other away with a shove of my foot.

My first words were, "you are responsible for this".
instead of admitting it and expressing remorse,
the neighbor criticized my action of protecting my dog.

the arrogance of that just set me off;
since this was the FOURTH attack on my LEASHED pet,
in the area, I was unable to control my anger.

his response reminded me of my cocky, arrogant,
former drunken behavior.

just another example of what we encounter in a small town.

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A creed to live by

from the site Apple Seeds;

  • Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others.
    It is because we are different that each of us is special.

  • Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
    Only you know what is best for you.

  • Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
    Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

  • Don't let life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live up all the days of your life.

  • Don't give up when you still have something left to give,
    Nothing is really over . . . till the moment you stop trying.

  • Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
    It is this fragile thread that binds us together.

  • Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
    It is by taking chances, that we learn to be brave.

  • Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
    The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
    the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
    and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

  • Don't dismiss your dreams.
    To be without dreams is to be without hope;
    to be without hope is to be without purpose.

  • Don't run through life so fast
    that you forget not only where you've been,
    but where you are going.

  • Life is not a race,
    but a journey to be savored every step of the way.

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Sunday, July 27, 2008

bottom line

words of wisdom for Sunday;

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you (Saint Augustine)

faith is a wonderful thing,
belief in a deeper power is humbling.

the buck stops with you, despite faith, hope and program.
no one can make you start or stop drinking.

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Friday, July 25, 2008

life detox tips

some down to earth suggestions for cleansing the mind
found on Nursing School Search.
thanks to Laura Milligan!

Reconcile with family and friends
: Don’t let a grudge or a fight with friends affect your conscience or your mood. Reconcile with estranged family members and friends to give your social life a detox.

Be responsible: Take responsibility for yourself and
your actions, and you’ll find that you end up taking much better care
of yourself, physically, emotionally and socially.

Separate yourself from the pack
: Don’t go along
with everything everyone else is doing just because they say so.
Separate yourself from the pack by doing what makes you feel right and
the things that honors your life choices and long term goals.

Keep things in perspective: Instead of overreacting
to every setback, keep things in perspective. Ask yourself if the
problem at hand will matter in six days’ or six months’ time. Most of
the time it won’t, and you can save yourself a lot of toxic worry

Open up: Share your thoughts, goals and feelings with
a friend or family member to purge yourself of anxiety, self-doubt, or
any other negative emotions.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

enjoy the silence

It's just a quiet , rainy wednesday;
I'm sitting here deciding whether i
should go to a noon meeting.

the benefits are beginning to wane,
from attending this group.
last week the chairwoman began to
character assassinate 2 of the ladies
in the room.

it was very uncomfortable(though true),
of what she was saying; but it should have been
done after the meeting, face to face.

lately there's been a tendency of chairpersons,
to monopolize and share off-topic subjects.

oh well, take what i need, and leave the rest.

that's a good suggestion, provided i don't
leave a meeting feeling worse than before!

thankfully i've been going to evening meetings.
freedom of choice is a wonderful thing.

initially the advice; don't drink, go to meetings,
and call your sponsor can work for a while.
in addition one should continue to address
their mental and emotional states.

strive to challenge yourself to discovering
new things about yourself, addiction and recovery.

complacency is rampant in the rooms;
i see it every day.

no matter how small your progress may seem;
the effect is cumulative.

the journey out of the woods of addiction
is not simple, quick or painless.

enjoy the ride, cherish the improvements and
never look back.

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Monday, July 21, 2008


Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. - Ed O’Neill

from the man who played Al Bundy, the dad in "Married with Children"

this has nothing to do with recovery,
except remind me of maintaining my sense of humor.

I need to have some fun in this journey.
there are too many "doom & gloom" folks,
in and out of the rooms.

not that i expect every day to be a laugh riot;
just being able to find some levity in otherwise
serious situations.

it doesn't come in a pill or bottle;
but laughter sure is good medicine!

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Saturday, July 19, 2008

the dry drunk

"Dry Drunk" has been described as "A condition of returning to one's old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink." Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake!

the above from the site on alcoholism

I never use the term in a disparaging manner.
I don't care what the impetus is, to stay away
from a drink or drug.
it could be a judges' gavel, or the wife's'
rolling pin for all i care!

just because someone is a regular meeting maker
gives them no authority to judge or denigrate
someone who does not.

meetings provide no guarantee of improved
behavior; just look around any room.
there are STILL many sober horse thieves around.

Neither the American Medical Association nor The American Psychiatric Association recognize the existence of any such disease as "a non-drinking booze problem", or "dry drunk", or "Codependency".

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

health update

some improvement in the mental and emotional
health areas.
I have been lifting almost every day for the
past three weeks. no marathons by any means,
but for the first time in the past 5 years,
I have the drive back again.

pretty long absence for a former gym owner,
who now works for the ymca!

wow, i forgot the sensation of endorphins.
even sleep comes easier at night.

if i was younger, might even consider
resurrecting my volleyball career!

latest blood work shows decreased
cholesterol, weight the same; but the
waist is smaller.

discussed getting off paxil, but
considering my history we decided
to continue at a minimal dose.

this all reminds me of a gift i
was given; one of good health.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Recovery street


by Portia Nelson


I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place,
but it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.


I walk down another street.

my friend Sandi shared this.
a great description of relapse and recovery.
i have been down that street many times.

the time frame for changing the walk
is different for us all.

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Monday, July 14, 2008

the party's just starting

it takes some time to get your marbles back;
then a bit more to get to use them again.

i would be lying if i said the past 4 years have been great.
there have been many flat spots, temptations and frustrations.

were my worst days sober, better than my best days drinking?
absolutely not.
my average days sober were better than my average days using.

what is good, is that i'm able to socialize without discomfort
or fear.
I enjoy holidays and parties with a mix of people.
my life is balanced, contented and organized.

i have little interest today in sober dances, NA conventions
or other restricted activities.

I live in a society of drinkers and non-drinkers;
today i prefer to allow myself the company of both.

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Friday, July 11, 2008

the party's over?

just read this in an article about dating; and the 5 types of women to avoid.

The last line should be of interest to anyone in recovery.

talk about making a sweeping generalization. wow.

while that may be true for some, it's unfair to assume for the majority.

4) The Party Girl

When men meet this ball of fun, they think she is the life of the party. She’s carefree, maybe a little wild, and from the outside looks like a person they may be interested in. Once they get a closer look, however, they realize that her entire life is a party. While a guaranteed good time may seem like a good idea, what will she be like in the sobering light of day?

Her hilarious antics, outgoing personality and righteous dance moves are good in small doses, but the Party Girl doesn’t know the meaning of “closing time.” It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with a person who is masking major problems underneath his or her party hat. Plus, we all know that people who can't amuse themselves without mind-altering substances just aren’t any fun when the party is over.

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Thursday, July 3, 2008

from; 5 Types of Alcoholics

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Dispelling the myth of the "typical alcoholic," National Institute on
Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism researchers have identified five subtypes
of alcoholics from a study of 1,484 people who met diagnostic criteria
for alcohol dependence.

The study found that the largest group of alcoholics in the U.S. are
young adults. Twenty percent are highly functional and more than half
do not have a family history of alcoholism. The study was conducted by
Howard B. Moss, M.D., NIAAA associate director for clinical and
translational research, and a team of researchers. The study drew from
responses to the National Epidemiological Survey on Alcohol and Related
Conditions, a representative epidemiological study of alcohol, drug,
and mental disorders in the United States.
Young Adult Alcoholics

* 31.5 percent
* Young adult drinkers, with relatively low rates of co-occurring substance abuse and mental disorders.
* Low rates of family alcoholism.
* Rarely seek any kind of help for their drinking.

Young Antisocial Alcoholics
* 21 percent
* Most are in their mid-20s and had early onset of regular drinking and early onset alcohol problems.
* More than half come from families with alcoholism, and about half have a psychiatric diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder.
* Many have major depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety problems.

* More than 75 percent smoke cigarettes and marijuana, and many also have cocaine and opiate addictions

* More than one-third seek help for their drinking

Functional Alcoholics
* 19.5 percent
* Typically middle-aged, well-educated, with stable jobs and families.
* About one-third have a multigenerational family history of alcoholism.
* One-quarter had major depressive illness at some time in their lives.
* Nearly 50 percent are smokers.

Intermediate Familial Alcoholics

* 19 percent.
* Middle-aged with about half from families with multigenerational alcoholism.
* Almost half have had clinical depression, and 20 percent have had bipolar disorder.
* Most smoke cigarettes, and nearly one in five report cocaine and marijuana use.
* About 25 percent ever seek treatment for their problem drinking.

Chronic Severe Alcoholics
* 9 percent
* Mostly middle-aged individuals who had early onset of drinking and alcohol problems.
* High rates of antisocial personality disorder and criminality.
* Almost 80 percent come from families with multigenerational alcoholism.
* They have the highest rates of other psychiatric disorders including depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders.
* This group has high rates of smoking, and marijuana, cocaine, and opiate dependence.
* Two-thirds seek help for their drinking problems, making them the most prevalent type of alcoholic in treatment.

Previous studies which tried to identify alcoholism subtypes were
conducted with people who were in treatment for their alcoholism.
Therefore, a large percentage of alcoholics were left out of those
studies, because only about one-fourth of alcoholics ever seek

Moss, Howard B., Chenb, Chiung M. and Yi, Hsiao-ye.
Subtypes of alcohol dependence in a nationally representative sample. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, Retrieved 28 June 2007.

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

the lighter side of alcohol

at least I called.
honest officer, just a couple of beers!
oh my! who knew?

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