balancing the scale

Going back to the always posed question,
when entering rehab;
"what's going to be different this time?

it was frustrating to have to answer,
"I don't know, but I'm back!

I was unable to achieve that release from
compulsion that I heard others express.

The scale seen evenly balanced between
drinking or not.
It didn't matter if I attended meetings,
talked to my sponsor, and prayed,
that urge still persisted.

Part of the picture was knowing in the
back of my mind I could always "recharge at rehab"
It was a " what the hell" attitude.
No fear of consequences; legal, moral, financial or healthwise.
Still, I wanted that freedom from obsession
that some folks seemed to have.

In time I noticed small decreases in that
persistent urge to drink.
Certainly nothing like what I heard in the rooms.

People expressing this miraculous lifting
of the obsession to drink.
It wasn't happening for me.

Undaunted, I was determined to keep the scale
balanced and resist the urge to test the waters.

Tomorrow...
tipping the scale toward continued sobriety.