Thursday, November 8, 2007

crossing over

I have no way of knowing when I made the transition from heavy drinker to alcoholic.
The whole process was so gradual it is impossible to pin down an exact point in time.

Social drinking was natural and normal for many years. What started as an innocent complement to parties and family gatherings, slowly and subtlety began to increase. Why wait for a party when I could get that same feeling a few times a week?

In a few years that became every day. It was becoming more normal to drink than not.
The allure of the buzz became too much to resist. I had reached a point where it was a need and not just a want.

Something in my mind had changed; I was spending way too much time planning, buying and consuming booze. My pride and ego wouldn't allow me to admit I had a problem.
How hard could it be to get the "control magic" back again?
I found out it wasn't hard... it was impossible!

That was the difficult truth to accept; and I managed to deny it for many years.
Today, I accept that you can never go back; it's like a bell that can't be on un-rung.

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Shadow said...

i can feel exactly what you're saying here...

Kathy Lynne said...