Monday, January 28, 2008

Life is good...

I'm contented, healthy, and enjoying everyday life...

but I would really like to have few drinks.
not looking to escape, kill pain or forget about past transgressions.

it's not an agonizing obsession, or even a constant thought;
merely a passing desire.

I don't believe I'm any different than many folks who have
similar urges.

I think i'll wait 14 more years and stick to my original plan of
quitting for 20 years, and then deciding if i want to try it again.

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Unknown said...

Dear Jack,
have you ever thought about gettin a job as a "stand up comic"? (WINK) (WINK).


Shadow said...

good for you, you wait out the 20 years... what a target!!!!

gotta agree with you on your thoughts though. the 'have a few drinks' does cross my mind too occasionally, it's the deciding to not act on them that important, to me at least!

Unknown said...


Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk crap again,
An AA meeting softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the 12 Steps that were planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of sobriety.

In restless meetings I walked alone
Bill Wilson Clones, made of stone
Neath the halo of an OLD TIMER,
I turned my collar to the 1st and 3rd Step
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
That split the night
And touched the sound of sobriety.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand STEPPERS, maybe more.
STEPPERS reading the BIG BOOK,
STEPPERS hearing without listening,
STEPPERS writing their 4th STEP
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of sobriety.

Zombies said I, you do not know
Sobriety like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might BRAINWASH you,
Take my arms that I might 13th Step you.
But my words like the higher power fell,
And echoed
In the halls of sobriety

And the STEPPERS ranted and raved
To the AA god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, KEEP COMING BACK
And the 12 STEP ZOMBIES.
Whispered in the sounds of sobriety.


Unknown said...

Steve L. said...
My experience with Alcoholics Anonymous

I have been going to AA since 1991 as a result of an intervention by my X-wife and some of my family. I have had little success in the last 16 years in maintaining abstinence just through AA alone.

After many, many treatment programs (rehabs, outpatient) that the only model is 12 step recovery, I Have always “relapsed” after small chunks of sobriety. I have been told over and over that this is the only way to get sober and to stay sober.

I had started to believe that because of the repetitious teachings of the treatment centers, the AA groups and individual members of 12 step groups.
All that was accomplished was feelings of guilt, fear and failure.

Through all this I was binging and still regularly attending meetings. I was taking suggestions and “working” the program and still no results.

Am I constitutionally incapable, Am I not being honest?
Well, I think not. What I have discovered is that I am not alone.
Through my tenure in AA, I have made contact with a lot of individuals and had spoken of my experience.

Statistics are talked about and what is shown is that there is at least a 5 % success rate that people stay in AA for at least a year. After that it drops even lower. What the common factor is that I have noticed is most new people coming into AA and a lot of the people on the fringes that have been around AA and are not sober is the fact of the strong Christian nature and flavor of the program.

Also what I am observing that all the people that have “got it” are those who have a background or a receptive nature to the religiosity of the program. The chapter to the agnostic would have been more credible if a true agnostic wrote it.

We are not unfortunate; we seem to be born with a sense of logic.
AA has become old school, primitive at least. It is not the only program of recovery, just the oldest. The progression of the disease continues and so does the progression of recovery.

What AA does in a long round about way concurs with most of the newer alternative programs like SOS, RR, and secular recovery. Using a sort of Cognitive Behavioral type therapies.

Without the superstition and Hocus-Pocus, we learn that when we change the way we think and react, we change the way we feel and relate to those around us. And remember, don’t drink or use no matter what. Keep a real open mind and give yourself a break. Alcoholics Anonymous is a religion in denial. Don’t get caught in the guilt of your beliefs.

Steve L

~pen~ said...

hi john :)

do you think you will be able to pick up a drink and be sensible about it? what are your thoughts on the "first, fatal drink?"

i am wondering because the question i seem to get the most is "you mean, you'll never have a glass of wine again, ever??" and i respond, "that is what that means." i cannot drink with impunity. i drink with hopeless abandon and while i may be able to have one drink, i can assure you it wouldn't be long down the road that my behaviors would be back and i'd be off to the races.

i am just wondering - i would love to stop for 20 years. right now, though, i am at day 58. they are so not kidding about it being "one day at a time..."


Fireman John said...

i am at day 58. they are so not kidding about it being "one day at a time..."

ODAAT left me feeling insecure
the best method for me was to
tell my midbrain that I was quitting for a predetermined
time. When you have been around "the program" for 18 years, you get a sense of works and what is clone-speak. without behavior modification, 12 step recovery is seriously lacking.