Monday, September 24, 2007

Asking for Help

The recovery process begins with asking for help. Anyone who has been urged by family, friends or an employer to seek help, can identify with the feelings of denial or minimization concerning their actions. At that stage, we addicts may seek to merely pacify those folks by agreeing to get help.
Since in our minds we still have things under control, we are unable to accept the fact that we actually need any help. This reinforces the cycle of putting on a good front and becoming more secretive and dishonest. It isn't until we are convinced that our lives have become unmanageable that we can truly ask for help.
Even months and years down the road we continue to seek assistance for situations, problems and people that we encounter in our daily lives. Sometimes just sharing a problem with the group is all we need to cope successfully.
An important facet of asking for help, is the humility and honesty that it fosters.

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Unknown said...

(This is really a comment about the 9/18 entry) I agree about the overall state of health being important in assessing the quality of sobriety, but my point in wondering about the length of sobriety I can explain using an example: I once belonged to a schutzhund dog training club (obedience, tracking, protection). We had in a guest trainer who purported to be an expert trainer, he supplied guard dogs on a contract basis to clients. We were interviewing him as a potential trainer for our club, and I asked how many dogs his kennel kept. He was greatly offended by my question, ranting that "how much money he made" had nothing to do with his ability to train. But what I was wondering had nothing to do with money. I wanted to see DEPTH and TRACK RECORD of experience, which can only come from VOLUME of work. Likewise, in recovery, the PRESENCE of many "dry" years does not indicate the quality of one's following of one's program. HOWEVER, the ABSENCE of DEPTH and LENGTH of recovery surely does indicate the inability of that person to have the EXPERIENCE to have achieved the high-wisdom state that only comes from logging quality practice days of living one's program. In words, I see in recovery blogs that stages toward wisdom take time, and anyone purporting to have "arrived" on the fast track is likely not truthful. It simply takes time to really integrate 12 step principles into daily life, IMO. Time proves whether one's program is genuine, and sustainable. So both overall health AND track record (which has an element of time) I think are important to assess when looking at how one walks the talk.

One more point, as a newbie to the 12 step world, I feel a lot of pressure to jump in and get a sponsor, but my feeling is that the wise thing to do is to observe a while first. To me, it seems like a marriage - this person (sponsor) will be in a position where the sponsee is vulnerable, expecting the sponsee basically not to question their wisdom. So the questioning in my mind then becomes choosing the sponsor wisely to begin with. Human nature being what it is, there are shills in every system and therefore caveat emptor. Just MHO. (sorry so long)

rogerism said...

coming from a background that a man is responsible to survive no matter what seems kind of caveman like or even barbaric. but in my life that seemed to have worked until the end of my using and drinking for it took total control of my actions and thoughts. So today after two years of suggestions i can say that asking for help takes willingness and also a state of mind that allows me to work a program without the loud voices to keep me in bed....just a thought...

Unknown said...


Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk crap again,
An AA meeting softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the 12 Steps that were planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of sobriety.

In restless meetings I walked alone
Bill Wilson Clones, made of stone
Neath the halo of an OLD TIMER,
I turned my collar to the 1st and 3rd Step
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
That split the night
And touched the sound of sobriety.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand STEPPERS, maybe more.
STEPPERS reading the BIG BOOK,
STEPPERS hearing without listening,
STEPPERS writing their 4th STEP
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of sobriety.

Zombies said I, you do not know
Sobriety like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might BRAINWASH you,
Take my arms that I might 13th Step you.
But my words like the higher power fell,
And echoed
In the halls of sobriety

And the STEPPERS ranted and raved
To the AA god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, KEEP COMING BACK
And the 12 STEP ZOMBIES.
Whispered in the sounds of sobriety.

Peace Be With You

Unknown said...

There are thousands of people who stay sober, but are they saved? What is more important, SALVATION or SOBRIETY? The question aught to be: Did Bill Wilson depend on Jesus Christ for the saving of his soul or was he just concerned with how long he had been sober? Who cares? There is no such thing as ADDICTION!! We are all sinners & the only way to salvation is through the precious blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ. All you Steppers have been completely indoctrinated with Buchmanism. I beg you, to flee from these “satanic cults” (12 Steps) & talk to a therapist who deals with family of origin issues (inner child).