Friday, October 10, 2008

the first phase

yesterday marked my 5 year anniversary;
and my son's 26th birthday!
the first phase of my 20 year plan.
the notion of quitting something i loved to do,
a day at a time was difficult.

while i did manage to do just that for 22 months
7 years ago, that inner voice asking me every
day,"can we drink today?", finally wore me down.
Deb left for Arizona on a nice summer afternoon,
and when the little voice asked, "is today the day?",
i said, "HELL YES"!

in order to quiet that voice and prevent it from asking
me daily, i decided to quit for 20 years. at that point
i will make my choice. by that time the lure of the
buzz will have lost it's appeal.

it was nice to get calls from Susie, Erin, Marianne,
Megan and Stephanie. at our "real deal" meeting
last night, Tom announced to the group of my
marking the start of long term sobriety.

yes i have discovered the magic of sobriety!
the reality; there is no magic!

for me, it's just a scale that was always evenly
balanced between drinking or not.
this time around, the scale is slightly tipped
toward abstinence.

i know the outcome of taking that drink;
i don't know what continuing on the path
of recovery will bring; so far it's been

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Kathy Lynne said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! and thanks for sticking around to let us know how its done.

Soberdads said...

Congrats! congrats and more congrats! I think I hear that voice about every minute or so but it's getting easier. Reading blogs like yours helps a lot.

Shadow said...

5 years! well done! that is great!!! mmmmm i remember you mentioning your 20 year deal before. glad you're still going strong.

redballoon said...

Wow, Five years. Hard to believe. I was thinking it was a big thing when I went five WEEKS.
I hear the voice and I like your idea of "preventing it from asking me daily." When I quit smoking (for 20 years but am recently back....) that's what I did. Just said, it's not an option any more. There is no question to ask.
I'm still not there with drinking. I tell myself I can only drink occasionally and I can and do but it tends to balloon and I find myself not doing other things I enjoy doing because it's so much easier to just go out and knock down the pints. And I'm getting tired of that.
I really like your blog. I like that you are honest that being sober is "no magic," that you did enjoy drinking, etc. It's a great honest tone, not like someone who trembles in fear at the thought of "falling of the wagon."
Anyhow, I'm reading your blog regularly now. Just found it 'bout a week ago.