truth or consequences

what used to be a popular tv game show,
has become a way of life for me.

at this stage of my life, some of the former
consequences faced, don't apply any more.

there is no boss to answer to, no worry
over driving under the influence and i
can't be evicted from my own home.

despite those conditions, the personal
hell created by falling off the recovery
road is far worse.

accepting the truth of my progression
into the depths of alcohol dependence,
and the inability to moderate or otherwise
control my use, requires honest appraisal.

anyone who tells you this recovery path
is easy, either never enjoyed drinking or
really didn't have a problem.

the past 5 years have been full of flat spots,
challenges and temptations.
it was refreshing to avoid answering the
same question asked by a counselor at
a rehab; "what's going to be different
this time"?

tomorrow i will answer that question.