Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Relationships & Early Sobriety

One of the most challenging aspects of recovery is relationships. The common advice is, no relationships for a year. We've all heard it, and all ignored it. It is natural and comforting to involve yourself with someone who makes you feel good. When quitting drugs or alcohol it is like the loss of a loved one. The major dilemma with this course of nature, is the tendency to shift focus off us and our program, while immersing ourselves in the other person. My friend Molly says, "2 sickies don't make a wellie". Yes it's true, I've seen it , done it, got the battle scars to prove it.

The odds are greater that one person will get the other drunk or high, before they get them sober.
I now see the logic behind the 1 year suggestion; it takes time to get to know yourself and concentrate on healing, before taking on the issues and feelings of another.
In our sober house, we find this especially true with women(sorry ladies). While men also seek partnership, they are less likely to devote their entire emotional selves to a relationship.

It isn't always the easier , softer way when avoiding emotional entanglements, but for us it is imperative to resist the temporary "feel good", of relationships early on.

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Kathy Lynne said...

I wish I could have no relationship right now. But my husband of 21 years would not be happy about that and it is a problem trying to put myself first when he wants to be first. Most of the time he gets it and its not a problem but when it is it is usually big. I have to remember that I drank through this entire relationship so while I am changing he is not. Or at least not yet and he has to get used to the recovering me.